How many crimes did she commit? Breaking and entering (the house). Can we talk about how Goldie is a criminal and she is the worst? Yes, let’s! Goldilocks ain’t have one piece of broughtupsy. Homegirl wakes up, sees the bears and freaks out, screaming “HELP!” as she runs out their house. Then they go exploring and go to their bedroom to find their beds unmade, and Goldilocks is still sleeping in the baby’s bed. She’s in La-La Land, probably snoring loudly when the three bears came home and discover their porridge eaten, and the Baby Bear’s chair is broken. So she takes a nap in this strange house, and you know she ain’t got no manners so her shoes were probably still on. The first was too hard, the second was too soft, and the third was perfect.

She sees three beds, and lays on each until she finds the right one. Then she carries her rude ass to the second floor because all that food has made her sleepy, and breaking the chair showed that she just needed to have an extended blink. The first two didn’t work for her, because both were too big, but that third one was right for her. Ain’t none left, B.Īfterwards, she’s tired so she goes in the living room and finds three chairs. She goes to their kitchen and sees 3 bowls of porridge on the table and tries the first two, but one was too hot and the other was too cold. When she knocks and no one answers, she lets herself in. Goldilocks was a little girl, aptly named for her blonde hair. She goes for a walk in the forest and sees a house. Let’s talk about one that we’ve heard countless times: the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. Or when you realize the racial undertones that you didn’t pick up when you were a napping (not woke) tweenager who was trying to be talked to bed. As an adult, analyzing childhood lore can piss you off when you realize that the character you were supposed to love was actually a fuckboy. A lot of the stories we’ve heard since we were little are really insidious once you pick them apart and realize what was actually happening.

Goldilocks just right meme